Imagine being a 27-year-old woman who’s otherwise independent in life; a reasonable job, being able to pay things for herself, having all good decision making faculties BUT living with parents who still treat you like a baby. Ugh.
I’m sitting at work with my teammates who happen to be all men in their late twenties and early thirties. We’re in the living room of our office, casually discussing work and future ventures.
“Aao jee”, says Hassan as Abid – the office boy, brings a tray of chai for everyone. As Hassan takes the first sip of his tea, he exclaims, “I’m all in for a long-term project with you guys”. I feel I’m expected to say something but I just mumble, “I’ll have to ask my parents and let you know”.
I present you two personalities here:
Hassan- 29 years old male Pakistani, also lives with his parents. YET has all the freedom in the world. He just came back to Islamabad after spending a vacation in South Africa( THAT TOO ALL BY HIMSELF!)
Myself- 27 years old female Pakistani, lives with her parents. Has to inform her otherwise chilled out parents even if she has to go out for coffee with friends. To which they say, “we’re not being nosy, we just want to know where you are in case khuda na khasta something bad happens” Why I hate this is because I got a little used to living on my own and coming back to our forever house has a downside which is parental control.
Here’s the thing, parents are generally a bit confused when you’ve graduated and have a job but you’re still under the same roof as them. They tend to push you to get married and have children (which is fair on their end) but if you think otherwise, they lecture you chaltay phirtay about little things in life (mine don’t but there’s still a downside to it).
Then there’s the second category of parents( mine would qualify to this one):
The ones who don’t really push you to do anything but very subtly give messages of what they want you to do. For example, if I’m out with friends till 10 pm, it’s a matter of extreme ‘concern’ for them because, in their defense, they just want to know if I’m “okay”. Well, listen to my parents, I’m fine. I’ve been fine all these years. By now, I know how to escape an odd situation, it’s nice of you to show care but it should also apply when I’m out with siblings instead of friends.
That’s where asking/informing your parents about everything comes in. There are situations when you can’t explain your agemates as to why you can’t do a certain thing because your parents wouldn’t approve and they laugh at your face.
I tried tricking my mom recently and here’s what it felt like:
Me: “Maa, I’m going to Maryam’s house in a Careem because there’s no car at home:
How my mother received this: “Maa, I’m going to Maryam’s house to do cocaine and I’m taking a Careem whose captain would be a serial killer”
Maa’s message: Please share the tracker! Message me as soon as you get to Maryam’s house. Please inform me if you plan to go somewhere else from there. I’m not being nosy but just let me know. Allah k hawalay.
What the what?